Another blog drought is coming to an end! I feel like this blog has become an old friend I don't see often, but when I do I couldn't possibly be more ecstatic. I feel like I never even know where to begin after not writing on here for a while, because so many things have happened! I'm enjoying life so much and can physically feel my body and soul thriving on my last few months of being a teenager. Life probably wont be any different after turning 20 in a few months, but it's definitely a big milestone and I'm so glad to be where I am right now.
The last time I wrote on here, I remember speaking of moving in a few weeks. Now I'm in Hampton Bays and love it to pieces. It's definitely different to say the least, but the best type of different imaginable. I live 5 minutes from the ocean, that's when you know it's a dream come true. Since moving I've made a lot of rearrangements in my life, sort of like starting all over and turning a new leaf. I sort of wish it didn't take something as big as moving to urge me to do this, but I know that it's still an accomplishment nonetheless. I've really been embracing my individuality and independence and exploring deeper into my passions. Photography is still a huge part of my life, as it always will be. I know I don't write on here as often as I used to, but whenever I get the urge to type something up on here it's so strong and powerful. And maybe it's supposed to be that way, like it happens for a reason that I'm only on here a few months out of the year. Of course I love the positive feedback from friends and strangers, and I absolutely adore knowing that people are taking the time out of their day to read what I have to say. But whenever I do decide to come on here, I feel that I always have a new, powerful message to share. Something completely different from the last. And maybe that's just how things are meant to be with me and my blog.
I've been getting dozens of questions about where in the world Kyle is, so I guess I'll answer some of those here. He's gone cross country for a few months by himself and I'm sure you can assume how badly I'm missing him. I'm expecting him to come home the second week of December, and I'm trying to withhold from counting down the days because then I know it'll go by slower. I'm trying to make the most of this time by myself, because I haven't had it for a while and who knows when I will have it again. Of course nothing beats being with Kyle, but I'm sure you get the point. It was shocking and scary at first to know he was going solo, but if you know him at all, you know it's probably better off that way. He's a leader and naturally intelligent when it comes to survival, and he's also so great at being independent that I really feel going alone was best for him even though it broke my heart. But don't worry, him and I are planning big travels for this summer! Him being gone leads back to me learning to be more independent, since I really haven't been single or anything like that since freshman year of high school. It's a nice feeling to be on my own and do my own thing, but still know I have someone who loves me to death and vice versa, even though we're on opposite sides of the country. I really can't wait for him to come home, I know that when he does it'll be an overwhelmingly amazing feeling. This time apart has definitely made us stronger, but I definitely wouldn't be able to do this all the time! Long distance is hard, man, but knowing that I'm doing it for a person like Kyle really makes it all worth it.
I've been on a self-confidence kick lately and it's pretty sweet. I've been blessed with a carefree attitude since I was pretty young, I can't really remember ever genuinely being hurt by someone's negative opinion of me if they weren't important in my life. And even if they do hold a place of importance, I feel like I have a really good sense of self awareness and who I am as a person. I know who I am, what I'm about, and why I do the things that I do, and if someone thinks negatively about that, I never really seem to take it to heart. It's a good trait to have, and I know it's easier said than done for a lot of people to just not care what others think. I promise that once you master that skill, you are untouchable, bullet proof, more powerful than ever before. I believe it's the greatest defense mechanism of them all.
In other news, the presidential election has come to a trifling end, and I could go on for an eternity about everything that's been going down. I'm not here to share my personal political views, I'm sure some of you can assume what "team" I was on just by knowing me. But I voted for the first time and truthfully, I'm pissed I didn't get an "I Voted!" sticker or button or bumper sticker or ANYTHING of that nature. I find a lot of importance in voting as a citizen. It was something I really didn't care about up until after graduating high school. I love a good debate (most definitely get that characteristic from my dad) and expressing my opinions, and I also really love hearing others' opinions and beliefs. Unfortunately, America is definitely lacking in that department. I look around and see a lot of people debating and arguing just to get their opinion out, which is great and wonderful, but what about the other guy? I love hearing other sides of the story and trying to understand different viewpoints. After all, I wouldn't be able to have the opinions that I love and defend if it weren't for the opposing side. It hurts my heart to see America so divided and I know there are really no words that can be said that can make this election okay for some people. Overall, we really are a privileged country and I'm so beyond grateful to be living here. There are definitely bumps in the road, but nothing can ever be perfect. I really think it's important for us all to stay hopeful and supportive of each other.
I've been reflecting on my past a lot recently and I find it all so interesting. It's crazy to think about how many small details in my past have led up to something that's prevalent in my present. Definitely missing my dad a lot, it's pretty hard not to. It's all just still a really fresh and new concept to me. 2 and (almost) a half years seems like a while, but in comparison to a lifetime it's absolutely nothing. That's something I constantly need to remind myself whenever I actually think about everything that happened. I look back on that time of my life and I'm just so amazed that I got through. It was the first point in my life where I had to break out the strength I never even knew I was capable of having, and I still continue to do that everyday. It's like fighting for survival and struggling to embrace every bit of resilience you have, because you know if you don't you'll burn out. I'm grateful for what happened, as dark as that may sound. It's made me who I am and it's a gratifying feeling to know that I've unraveled a part of myself that a lot of people my age haven't yet, and maybe never will. Instead of saying "why me" and becoming negative, I've really been trying to remind myself that it happened to me because I'm capable of handling it. I'm really just so thankful for every person who has ever been in my life, no matter how long they stayed, because I firmly believe that every person and experience in your life serves a purpose to contribute to something bigger. It's really an amazing thing. I'm spreading so much love, positivity, and most importantly, hopefulness, to all those reading even after all this time of being a dormant writer.
Monday, November 14, 2016
Monday, August 1, 2016
In With The New
The amount of times I've beaten myself up over not posting on here recently is outrageous!! While taking a drive out east yesterday I got an incredible urge to post a new blog and all of the words just came to me all at once. I can't even put into words how different this summer has been from all the others, I feel like there's so much to catch the world up on! Things have definitely been new and exciting, and I've been trying my hardest to enjoy every moment of it. Some days are a little harder than others but overall things have been coming together pretty nicely for me.
Around this time next week I'll be moving out of my old house and into a new one, and I truthfully couldn't be anymore excited to start over. About a year ago my house went up for sale and I'm sure some of you can recall the negative toll it took on not only my mind, but also my body. I became someone I never wanted to be. I feel like I turned into that type of person because I just really wasn't ready to pick up my things and leave. It was the beginning of college and I just felt very unbalanced in a lot of aspects of my life. My home was one of the only things that held some sort of consistency, and I really couldn't bare to see it slip out of my fingers. Now things are completely different and I feel absolutely blessed that I've been given the opportunities I have. I'm going to be moving to Hampton Bays and I really couldn't be anymore happy about it. It's insane to me that I'll be living a short bike ride from the ocean; something I've always dreamt of having. For those of you who know me, you know that a positive change like this means absolutely everything to me. It feels incredibly refreshing to finally have a change happen in my life that I'm actually looking forward to. It definitely makes me sad to leave my home, but I feel that I have everything and everyone I need to make this one of the better alterations in my life. The house I'm still currently living in was my Mom's parents' house, which was then eventually sold to her. It's upsetting that the house is getting sold out of the family, that's really the only downfall I can think of off the top of my head. I can't really find pure enough words to thank the people who made living here what it was. I'll really never forget what living where I did meant to me. I met my greatest friends and the love of my life all because of where my parents decided to raise their family. It's amazing to me that if I had grown up somewhere else my life would be entirely different in possibly every facet. I'm definitely considered a homebody, so it means a lot to me that I'm moving somewhere still on Long Island. I know that it's still nearby, but it's definitely not local. I feel that I'll see who my truest friends are after I move mostly because I'll be able to see who is willing to maintain the friendship when I'm not living 10 minutes away anymore. It's going to be so rejuvenating to get a new job, meet new people, and basically begin a new chapter. I know that this move will do wonders for my life.
Last summer I did a great amount of blogging and spent a lot of time making sure to document what was happening in my life. I wish I still had time to do the same thing this summer but things have just been so crazy between packing up 19 years of life and exploring and all the moments in between. These past few months have been great and I've really been pushing myself to be a more positive person. I always try my best to be the happy, uplifting person that a lot of person imagine me to be but sometimes it's difficult to live up to that category. I learned from a young age that I formed this mold for myself, and because I was always so outgoing and hyper I felt that I always had to fill in that mold. I didn't really understand that I can have more than one mold and that my identity can be whatever I want it to be and not what others expect of me. It's mind boggling to me that I can be anyone I want to be anywhere I want. Last summer I seemed to open up my mind more to the idea of love and positivity, and this summer I've taken more of a route towards becoming more aware of choosing my own destiny. You can't really choose where you're from, but you can most definitely choose where you go. The idea of that is just absolutely beautiful and eyeopening to me.
I definitely urge everyone who's reading this to become as self aware as possible, meaning understanding your own desires, feelings, and characteristics. I'm a huge advocate of listening to your body and understanding what it's saying to you. Self awareness and keeping a knowledge of your consciousness is something I find to be absolutely crucial in making peace with not only yourself, but also you're surroundings. I believe that I'm a better person for becoming more self aware.
Before I go, I wanted to share on here some of my absolute favorite bands and songs because I've never gotten the chance to add that in in the past! Last month I saw Coldplay at Metlife Stadium in New Jersey and it was HANDS DOWN one of the most wonderful nights of my entire life. They're definitely my favorite band in the absolute world and seeing them honestly changed my life. So here ya go, here are some of my favorite summer jams!!!
Around this time next week I'll be moving out of my old house and into a new one, and I truthfully couldn't be anymore excited to start over. About a year ago my house went up for sale and I'm sure some of you can recall the negative toll it took on not only my mind, but also my body. I became someone I never wanted to be. I feel like I turned into that type of person because I just really wasn't ready to pick up my things and leave. It was the beginning of college and I just felt very unbalanced in a lot of aspects of my life. My home was one of the only things that held some sort of consistency, and I really couldn't bare to see it slip out of my fingers. Now things are completely different and I feel absolutely blessed that I've been given the opportunities I have. I'm going to be moving to Hampton Bays and I really couldn't be anymore happy about it. It's insane to me that I'll be living a short bike ride from the ocean; something I've always dreamt of having. For those of you who know me, you know that a positive change like this means absolutely everything to me. It feels incredibly refreshing to finally have a change happen in my life that I'm actually looking forward to. It definitely makes me sad to leave my home, but I feel that I have everything and everyone I need to make this one of the better alterations in my life. The house I'm still currently living in was my Mom's parents' house, which was then eventually sold to her. It's upsetting that the house is getting sold out of the family, that's really the only downfall I can think of off the top of my head. I can't really find pure enough words to thank the people who made living here what it was. I'll really never forget what living where I did meant to me. I met my greatest friends and the love of my life all because of where my parents decided to raise their family. It's amazing to me that if I had grown up somewhere else my life would be entirely different in possibly every facet. I'm definitely considered a homebody, so it means a lot to me that I'm moving somewhere still on Long Island. I know that it's still nearby, but it's definitely not local. I feel that I'll see who my truest friends are after I move mostly because I'll be able to see who is willing to maintain the friendship when I'm not living 10 minutes away anymore. It's going to be so rejuvenating to get a new job, meet new people, and basically begin a new chapter. I know that this move will do wonders for my life.
Last summer I did a great amount of blogging and spent a lot of time making sure to document what was happening in my life. I wish I still had time to do the same thing this summer but things have just been so crazy between packing up 19 years of life and exploring and all the moments in between. These past few months have been great and I've really been pushing myself to be a more positive person. I always try my best to be the happy, uplifting person that a lot of person imagine me to be but sometimes it's difficult to live up to that category. I learned from a young age that I formed this mold for myself, and because I was always so outgoing and hyper I felt that I always had to fill in that mold. I didn't really understand that I can have more than one mold and that my identity can be whatever I want it to be and not what others expect of me. It's mind boggling to me that I can be anyone I want to be anywhere I want. Last summer I seemed to open up my mind more to the idea of love and positivity, and this summer I've taken more of a route towards becoming more aware of choosing my own destiny. You can't really choose where you're from, but you can most definitely choose where you go. The idea of that is just absolutely beautiful and eyeopening to me.
I definitely urge everyone who's reading this to become as self aware as possible, meaning understanding your own desires, feelings, and characteristics. I'm a huge advocate of listening to your body and understanding what it's saying to you. Self awareness and keeping a knowledge of your consciousness is something I find to be absolutely crucial in making peace with not only yourself, but also you're surroundings. I believe that I'm a better person for becoming more self aware.
Before I go, I wanted to share on here some of my absolute favorite bands and songs because I've never gotten the chance to add that in in the past! Last month I saw Coldplay at Metlife Stadium in New Jersey and it was HANDS DOWN one of the most wonderful nights of my entire life. They're definitely my favorite band in the absolute world and seeing them honestly changed my life. So here ya go, here are some of my favorite summer jams!!!
- Phantom Planet - California
- The Decemberists - O Valencia!
- Portugal. The Man - Purple Yellow Red and Blue
- Portugal. The Man - People Say
- Simon and Garfunkel - April Come She Will
- Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
- Coldplay - Green Eyes
- Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes - 40 Day Dream
- MGMT - Weekend Wars
- Jack Johnson - Flake
- The Beatles - Hey Jude
- Paul McCartney - Here, There, and Everywhere
- Death Cab for Cutie - Grapevine Fires
- Red Hot Chili Peppers - Around The World
- Smashing Pumpkins - Cherub Rock
- Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm
- The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
- Alt-J - Every Other Freckle
- Dan Auerbach - Goin' Home
- Red Hot Chili Peppers - Hard To Concentrate
- Midnight City - M83
- Mac DeMarco - Go Easy
- The Kooks - She Moves In Her Own Way
- Coldplay - Sparks
- Coconut Records - West Coast
- Two Door Cinema Club - Sleep Alone
- Pink Floyd - Summer '68
- Youth Lagoon - Montana
- Pink Floyd - Another Brick In The Wall (part 2)
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Great New Things
Summer is in full bloom and I couldn't be in a better state of mind even if I tried. So many wonderful things have happened and began taking place that there is no other emotion to feel but happiness. I have been up to a lot of different activities and have underwent a great amount of ventures this summer thus far, which makes me extremely excited for what's ahead. I have recently been brainstorming ideas for magazine publications of my art and writing, obviously handed out for free to people until it becomes something bigger, if it does. I had really planned on doing this in the beginning of this past fall, but unfortunately a lot of things got in the way. I feel as if I have so many great ideas and plans but never put most of them into action. Usually I use excuses like money or even putting in effort, but in reality I feel as if putting together a few magazines as a debut for a future endeavor of writing is quite simple. This isn't a promise that I will ever be publishing magazines, but if I do, this blog will be the first to know.
The middle of June will mark one year of having this blog. It seems totally insane to me. I remember when I first created this and how nervous I was that no one would ever pay attention to it. As soon as I put it out there and made it known that I had officially made this blog, the views came pouring in and I can't really describe any better feeling than what I felt when I knew people were acknowledging my thoughts. The words and photos I produce are an art, and to know that friends, family, and even strangers absorb what I put out into the world fills my heart with the heaviest handfuls of joy. Even when I go MIA on this blog for a bit, I am always thinking about what to say next and how much I love the feeling of speaking my mind. And to know that people are actually listening to me...it's really a win win situation.
It's the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend and so much has been happening! Friday evening Kyle and I took a drive out to Brookyln to visit my sister, Emily, before she heads up to Kingston, New York to live and start her new job. Brooklyn is truly an awesome place and so different from Manhattan. The people and the atmosphere really clicked for me, but of course being me, I'd much rather be surrounded by trees in a suburban town rather than buildings. I'm so grateful to have a sister who has a "make things happen" personality. I feel like she does everything she puts her mind to so gracefully. I can't wait to visit her in Kingston and explore a new part of New York!
The next day, Saturday, was one of the greatest days I've had in a pretty long time. Kyle landed an amazing new job out east in Amagansett called Grain Surdboards where he's basically learning to make wooden surfboards and then teaches other people in workshops how to make them. When I say these surfboards are beautiful, I'm talking like hand-made, one of a kind, blood, sweat and tears beautiful. They're handcrafted so beautifully and uniquely that any person on the island can appreciate them. The location of the shop is 11 Indian Wells Highway, Amagansett, right off of Montauk Highway and just the town before Montauk. The commute sorta blows but the atmosphere out there is totally worth the drive. Grain originally began in Maine and then made a shop down here, so Kyle is one of the original members of the New York store which is pretty cool. Kyle's coworkers are some of the coolest people I've yet to meet and I can't be anymore excited to have them become family to us. I've never been so thankful for Kyle than I am right now. To see him succeed and shine, I can't even begin to describe the feeling. I know this is something that makes him genuinely happy and fits him so perfectly. I'm so excited to see him do well in this new business and start a potential career. Great things are comin'!
Life has truly been amazing these past few weeks. I concluded my counseling sessions that went on for about 6 months. I'm surprised that I didn't need more time with my therapist but I knew I was ready to stop going. I also can't believe that 6 months have gone by, and how different each month was from each other. I've learned how normal sadness and disappointment are and that it's nothing to get extremely pissed off over like I used to. All I can say is that life is wonderful. I have incredible friends, a beautiful island to live on, and a truly beautiful journey ahead of me. I really couldn't ask for anything better.
The middle of June will mark one year of having this blog. It seems totally insane to me. I remember when I first created this and how nervous I was that no one would ever pay attention to it. As soon as I put it out there and made it known that I had officially made this blog, the views came pouring in and I can't really describe any better feeling than what I felt when I knew people were acknowledging my thoughts. The words and photos I produce are an art, and to know that friends, family, and even strangers absorb what I put out into the world fills my heart with the heaviest handfuls of joy. Even when I go MIA on this blog for a bit, I am always thinking about what to say next and how much I love the feeling of speaking my mind. And to know that people are actually listening to me...it's really a win win situation.
It's the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend and so much has been happening! Friday evening Kyle and I took a drive out to Brookyln to visit my sister, Emily, before she heads up to Kingston, New York to live and start her new job. Brooklyn is truly an awesome place and so different from Manhattan. The people and the atmosphere really clicked for me, but of course being me, I'd much rather be surrounded by trees in a suburban town rather than buildings. I'm so grateful to have a sister who has a "make things happen" personality. I feel like she does everything she puts her mind to so gracefully. I can't wait to visit her in Kingston and explore a new part of New York!
The next day, Saturday, was one of the greatest days I've had in a pretty long time. Kyle landed an amazing new job out east in Amagansett called Grain Surdboards where he's basically learning to make wooden surfboards and then teaches other people in workshops how to make them. When I say these surfboards are beautiful, I'm talking like hand-made, one of a kind, blood, sweat and tears beautiful. They're handcrafted so beautifully and uniquely that any person on the island can appreciate them. The location of the shop is 11 Indian Wells Highway, Amagansett, right off of Montauk Highway and just the town before Montauk. The commute sorta blows but the atmosphere out there is totally worth the drive. Grain originally began in Maine and then made a shop down here, so Kyle is one of the original members of the New York store which is pretty cool. Kyle's coworkers are some of the coolest people I've yet to meet and I can't be anymore excited to have them become family to us. I've never been so thankful for Kyle than I am right now. To see him succeed and shine, I can't even begin to describe the feeling. I know this is something that makes him genuinely happy and fits him so perfectly. I'm so excited to see him do well in this new business and start a potential career. Great things are comin'!
Life has truly been amazing these past few weeks. I concluded my counseling sessions that went on for about 6 months. I'm surprised that I didn't need more time with my therapist but I knew I was ready to stop going. I also can't believe that 6 months have gone by, and how different each month was from each other. I've learned how normal sadness and disappointment are and that it's nothing to get extremely pissed off over like I used to. All I can say is that life is wonderful. I have incredible friends, a beautiful island to live on, and a truly beautiful journey ahead of me. I really couldn't ask for anything better.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
My Breakthrough
I am BACK!!!! It's been a long time comin', and after a few months of bringing pieces of myself together I've finally found the right words to say. I'm sure the incredible weather Long Island's been hit with has been some sort of encouragement, but a special encounter helped me to get back on my feet and clear away the writer's block. To the girl who served me at Dunkin Donuts this past Monday (hopefully you see this!!!), THANK YOU from the very bottom of my heart for telling me that you've read my blog and for complimenting me on it. Your kind words brought on a whole new level of motivation for me. It's a strange concept, but for a few months I began to see my writing as a weakness. I'd nearly get embarrassed by telling people I write and that I have a blog, if I even decided to share those parts of me in a conversation. I began to settle for myself as "not good enough", "not exceptional", and every other subpar label under the sun. I also began to feel as if writing isn't an important factor or ability, which I quickly learned is NOT true. I feel like a part of me lost a ton of sight in my own self worth and all of the abilities I hold. With the help of a few encouraging words from a stranger, I feel compelled to write again, in the greatest way possible.
I have seen a consistent pattern in how often I write on my blog, and looking back on my posts, there have been a number of times where I disappeared for a while then came back. I really wouldn't be able to explain the idea of it if I tried, but my creativity seems to come in waves to say the least. Maybe it's just a writer's tendency to fluctuate in activity. I have noticed for so many people, and especially myself, that an undying passion for something is both liberating and terrifying. You love something so, so much - so much that you question every aspect of it. I see this in so many areas of my life from my relationship, to my photography, to my writing, to my friendships. You question things because you are unsure, and your unsureness creates even more doubt. I begin to constantly wonder if what I am bringing to the table is substantial enough. Parts of me even become spiteful at times over past events that I had no control over, and I can't help but wonder why I have struggled while others around me had it smooth sailing. I've become conscious of the reality that the universe is not fair and it doesn't owe me anything. Just because I treat people a specific way and do not get treated the same in return, does not mean I should become resentful or angry. Nobody is the same as you, and you cannot expect a single person on this planet to react as you do. Once these realizations fell into my hands, life became a little more easier to figure out. It's so natural for a human to wonder if they are doing the right things at the right time with the right people, even. What even is "right"? Personally, the sheer fact that I'm only able to live one life scares the shit out of me. I am someone who gets far too deep into their own head when really, it is all so damn simple. In these last few months I have learned and realized a great number of things, but one thing I believe to be remarkably important is that I am capable of ANYTHING. I speak loudly and largely, as this pertains to every single human being out there. Don't think about it too long or dissect it into tiny pieces, just embrace it exactly as it is. That thought alone has brought me to some of my greatest successes.
I wouldn't even know where to begin if I had to dish everything that went on during this little "break" of mine. One huge thing is that I've somehow managed to save up over $1,100 for trips to Puerto Rico and Costa Rica, which I'm sure you already know I cannot begin to express my excitement for. With no hesitation whatsoever I promise you there will be thousands of photos to come from that. I have been able to take off with my photography which has been so gratifying for me. I've recently photographed portraits and a sweet 16, so if ANYONE needs a photographer, whatever the occasion may be, please do not delay to reach out to me!!!!
Through all of my recent ventures and whereabouts, I have truly fallen in love with the idea of paying it forward - a structure of life in which one does something good for someone else and then that person continues the trend by doing something good for another person. I have made it a very clear and high priority in my life. I'm so extremely grateful for the people who have kept my head above the water throughout these last few months. I am at a point in my life where I'm so passionate, enthusiastic, and extremely fortunate to be living on Long Island as a young adult. I am exploring, thinking, and seeing, and with that I am thriving. Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me to continue writing, I will be sure to keep the movement of my blog active as can be! Everyone make sure to pay it forward!!
I have seen a consistent pattern in how often I write on my blog, and looking back on my posts, there have been a number of times where I disappeared for a while then came back. I really wouldn't be able to explain the idea of it if I tried, but my creativity seems to come in waves to say the least. Maybe it's just a writer's tendency to fluctuate in activity. I have noticed for so many people, and especially myself, that an undying passion for something is both liberating and terrifying. You love something so, so much - so much that you question every aspect of it. I see this in so many areas of my life from my relationship, to my photography, to my writing, to my friendships. You question things because you are unsure, and your unsureness creates even more doubt. I begin to constantly wonder if what I am bringing to the table is substantial enough. Parts of me even become spiteful at times over past events that I had no control over, and I can't help but wonder why I have struggled while others around me had it smooth sailing. I've become conscious of the reality that the universe is not fair and it doesn't owe me anything. Just because I treat people a specific way and do not get treated the same in return, does not mean I should become resentful or angry. Nobody is the same as you, and you cannot expect a single person on this planet to react as you do. Once these realizations fell into my hands, life became a little more easier to figure out. It's so natural for a human to wonder if they are doing the right things at the right time with the right people, even. What even is "right"? Personally, the sheer fact that I'm only able to live one life scares the shit out of me. I am someone who gets far too deep into their own head when really, it is all so damn simple. In these last few months I have learned and realized a great number of things, but one thing I believe to be remarkably important is that I am capable of ANYTHING. I speak loudly and largely, as this pertains to every single human being out there. Don't think about it too long or dissect it into tiny pieces, just embrace it exactly as it is. That thought alone has brought me to some of my greatest successes.
I wouldn't even know where to begin if I had to dish everything that went on during this little "break" of mine. One huge thing is that I've somehow managed to save up over $1,100 for trips to Puerto Rico and Costa Rica, which I'm sure you already know I cannot begin to express my excitement for. With no hesitation whatsoever I promise you there will be thousands of photos to come from that. I have been able to take off with my photography which has been so gratifying for me. I've recently photographed portraits and a sweet 16, so if ANYONE needs a photographer, whatever the occasion may be, please do not delay to reach out to me!!!!
Through all of my recent ventures and whereabouts, I have truly fallen in love with the idea of paying it forward - a structure of life in which one does something good for someone else and then that person continues the trend by doing something good for another person. I have made it a very clear and high priority in my life. I'm so extremely grateful for the people who have kept my head above the water throughout these last few months. I am at a point in my life where I'm so passionate, enthusiastic, and extremely fortunate to be living on Long Island as a young adult. I am exploring, thinking, and seeing, and with that I am thriving. Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me to continue writing, I will be sure to keep the movement of my blog active as can be! Everyone make sure to pay it forward!!
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
Chasing Down Happiness
I feel as if I've finally gotten over the point of my life where I continuously say "I just want to be happy", and do nothing about it. I can't think of any other expression capable of causing more disappointment and desolation. It's like, saying this over and over again without acting on it just makes you dwell on the fact that your life isn't what you imagined or intended it on being. When you repeat the phrase, it implies how unhappy you may be. Yet, without seeing the deeper meaning, it seems pretty hopeful. The truth of the matter is, you have to DO it. You have to act on it.
"Happy" seems like a totally normal desire. Here's the problem: what is happy? It could mean dozens of different things to each person. I know, personally, that my idea of happiness doesn't really match up to the people around me, and that's perfectly okay. What matters is getting to that happy, ya know? When you yearn for happiness without making it happen it's like you begin to go through life frantically grabbing things off the shelf without paying attention to what you're taking, as if you are searching for happiness in every place that it may not be. By defining what "happy" is to me in concrete terms, I found it so much more easier to reach it rather than to think I know what happiness is and wait for it to come to me. The "I just want to be happy" trap is that truthfully, until you define your happiness and are ready to go out and grab it, you will never feel it.
Throughout these past months I've discovered what my ideal happiness is, and from there I was able to balance out what actions --- or subtractions I needed to make --- to be able to say "I am unshakably happy". Happiness, in dictionary terms, is "a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy". Now, I'm not saying you need to constantly be in a state of intense joy to be happy, but of course being content with life is surely enough.
The way I see it, people should alter their lives in whichever way they feel is beneficial to their mental health and state of well being. Maybe if you didn't have to slave over your job or schoolwork everyday you'd be a happier person. Maybe if you didn't have to tolerate the undeniably rudeness of Long Islanders (or people elsewhere) you'd be a happier person. These are clearly things we may not be able to change in our lives at this very moment (or we could, but many other factors then come into play), but quite frankly we can learn how to work with them. When you have a blueprint for what happiness is, lay it out flat over your life and work your way up. Take the time to do something for YOU. Go somewhere inspiringly beautiful. Make an adventure out of what could've been a totally normal day. The schoolwork will still be there when you get back, but at least you let yourself live. Of course, genetics must have something to do with all of this. Happiness is an easily reachable and achievable goal to those who are inclined on a genetic degree toward that emotional aspect of the spectrum. Happiness is a mountain hike of a goal for those who are not happy by nature, or have been influenced to not be happy from events that have taken place in their lives. That's just the way it is, but happiness is surely obtainable.
I used to say "I just want to be happy" all of the time, and so freely and openly for that matter. I said it so many times without even giving myself a definition for "happy" to refill the phrase with meaning. I just complained and complained about it until I thought "happy" would fall out of the sky and into the palms of my hands. What I repeated so many times was just an empty shell, as it is for so many other people I know without even realizing it. As much as it sucks sometimes, as hard as it seems, all I can say is to do it. Do it, go for it, and I guarantee you will find your happiness.
To sum it all up, as you can probably see I've become pretty enlightened from having to suck things up for a while and get used to it. I eventually came to realize that there are certain areas of my life that simply cannot be changed, or at least not any time soon. I chose to take matters into my own hands and work with what I had, create the life I aspired to live, and things eventually unfolded marvelously for me. I can say with full knowledge that my life is absolutely no where near perfect, nor will it ever be, but I'm in the state of happy where grinning from ear to ear is a melancholy day for me, and that's really all that matters right now. I can only hope that they unfold with such understanding and luminescence for whoever is reading this.
"Happy" seems like a totally normal desire. Here's the problem: what is happy? It could mean dozens of different things to each person. I know, personally, that my idea of happiness doesn't really match up to the people around me, and that's perfectly okay. What matters is getting to that happy, ya know? When you yearn for happiness without making it happen it's like you begin to go through life frantically grabbing things off the shelf without paying attention to what you're taking, as if you are searching for happiness in every place that it may not be. By defining what "happy" is to me in concrete terms, I found it so much more easier to reach it rather than to think I know what happiness is and wait for it to come to me. The "I just want to be happy" trap is that truthfully, until you define your happiness and are ready to go out and grab it, you will never feel it.
Throughout these past months I've discovered what my ideal happiness is, and from there I was able to balance out what actions --- or subtractions I needed to make --- to be able to say "I am unshakably happy". Happiness, in dictionary terms, is "a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy". Now, I'm not saying you need to constantly be in a state of intense joy to be happy, but of course being content with life is surely enough.
The way I see it, people should alter their lives in whichever way they feel is beneficial to their mental health and state of well being. Maybe if you didn't have to slave over your job or schoolwork everyday you'd be a happier person. Maybe if you didn't have to tolerate the undeniably rudeness of Long Islanders (or people elsewhere) you'd be a happier person. These are clearly things we may not be able to change in our lives at this very moment (or we could, but many other factors then come into play), but quite frankly we can learn how to work with them. When you have a blueprint for what happiness is, lay it out flat over your life and work your way up. Take the time to do something for YOU. Go somewhere inspiringly beautiful. Make an adventure out of what could've been a totally normal day. The schoolwork will still be there when you get back, but at least you let yourself live. Of course, genetics must have something to do with all of this. Happiness is an easily reachable and achievable goal to those who are inclined on a genetic degree toward that emotional aspect of the spectrum. Happiness is a mountain hike of a goal for those who are not happy by nature, or have been influenced to not be happy from events that have taken place in their lives. That's just the way it is, but happiness is surely obtainable.
I used to say "I just want to be happy" all of the time, and so freely and openly for that matter. I said it so many times without even giving myself a definition for "happy" to refill the phrase with meaning. I just complained and complained about it until I thought "happy" would fall out of the sky and into the palms of my hands. What I repeated so many times was just an empty shell, as it is for so many other people I know without even realizing it. As much as it sucks sometimes, as hard as it seems, all I can say is to do it. Do it, go for it, and I guarantee you will find your happiness.
To sum it all up, as you can probably see I've become pretty enlightened from having to suck things up for a while and get used to it. I eventually came to realize that there are certain areas of my life that simply cannot be changed, or at least not any time soon. I chose to take matters into my own hands and work with what I had, create the life I aspired to live, and things eventually unfolded marvelously for me. I can say with full knowledge that my life is absolutely no where near perfect, nor will it ever be, but I'm in the state of happy where grinning from ear to ear is a melancholy day for me, and that's really all that matters right now. I can only hope that they unfold with such understanding and luminescence for whoever is reading this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)