As many of you know, for these past (almost) three years I've had to live my life as normally as possible without having my father in my life. These have been the hardest three years that the other 17 years of my life never prepared me for. These three years have been nothing close to what I expected, and these three years have been the beginning of the rest of my life; a life without someone who is biologically half of me. Nothing about my life is the same to what it was before my dad's passing, they're like two different lives lived by two entirely different people. While these have been the beginning of the many heartache-enriched years ahead, I have enjoyed the process of finding myself and discovering the strength that I never knew I would ever be able to have. So I guess you could say that while these times have been hard on me, they have also been so influential. This is where I found my passion that has only grown since the first day of "the rest of my 'new' life".
Towards the end of my senior year in high school I created this blog with the intent of getting my feelings out and sharing them with whoever wanted to listen. I don't leave much room for curiosity or secrecy in my life; I'm definitely more of an open book and will share anything about me that people are curious to know. I've found that my feelings, struggles, and breakthroughs may be helpful or beneficial to others, so I'm very open about my life, where I have been, and where I plan on going. So my blog was born, and as I shared my words, I found that I wanted to share my low quality, somewhat poorly aligned iPhone photos as well. After graduating high school, I was given enough money through graduation presents to buy my very first real, authentic camera (team Canon all the way!!!!) and my passion was born. I didn't know much about lenses or how to work a camera, so I taught myself whatever I could. I spent that entire summer learning more about photography and the feeling of capturing a moment that will never be able to be experienced just as so ever again. The thrill of snapping that one perfect shot and thinking, "I may never experience this moment again, but I have a great photo of it" was a feeling that ignited a flame in my heart and soul. I found a way to somehow fill the void in my heart that had been missing since my dad passed away.
After watching my dad die at a pretty young age, I learned in an extremely up-front way that life is full of surprises, good and bad. I realized that moments and memories come, and then they are gone. I think that this is why I chose photography, because I wanted to hold onto those moments for as long as I possibly could, because I knew what it meant to watch a good thing slip right through my fingers. My parents are both artists, and I knew that there was absolutely no way that I didn't have some sort of artistic gene in me. It took some time for me to discover what my artistic talent was, but after beginning, I knew that this was something in my blood. I wanted to turn to something that I knew my dad would be proud of. I don't judge anyone for their healing processes; I'm one out of three children and we have all dealt with my dad's passing in extremely different ways. I know that for me personally, I just wanted to feel good again. I wanted to pour my hurt, anger, and sorrow into something beautiful, and I wish my dad was here to see that. I think that that's what hurts the most. I've always loved photography, but it wasn't until after he passed that I did something about it. I would love nothing more than for him to be here and see my growth as an artist.
The photos I take are much more than instagram likes, looking "cool", or seeking attention; it is so much deeper than that. I want to share my journey with those who are interested and do what I can to let my dad live through me. It will always be an honor being my dad's daughter; even after he's long gone, I still wouldn't want it any other way. I hope to get better with time, expand my knowledge on photography, and constantly learn and grow. This one unique, pure moment in time may never be experienced again, but I have proof of those feelings, and that's enough for me. That's why I chose photography.
