Another blog drought is coming to an end! I feel like this blog has become an old friend I don't see often, but when I do I couldn't possibly be more ecstatic. I feel like I never even know where to begin after not writing on here for a while, because so many things have happened! I'm enjoying life so much and can physically feel my body and soul thriving on my last few months of being a teenager. Life probably wont be any different after turning 20 in a few months, but it's definitely a big milestone and I'm so glad to be where I am right now.
The last time I wrote on here, I remember speaking of moving in a few weeks. Now I'm in Hampton Bays and love it to pieces. It's definitely different to say the least, but the best type of different imaginable. I live 5 minutes from the ocean, that's when you know it's a dream come true. Since moving I've made a lot of rearrangements in my life, sort of like starting all over and turning a new leaf. I sort of wish it didn't take something as big as moving to urge me to do this, but I know that it's still an accomplishment nonetheless. I've really been embracing my individuality and independence and exploring deeper into my passions. Photography is still a huge part of my life, as it always will be. I know I don't write on here as often as I used to, but whenever I get the urge to type something up on here it's so strong and powerful. And maybe it's supposed to be that way, like it happens for a reason that I'm only on here a few months out of the year. Of course I love the positive feedback from friends and strangers, and I absolutely adore knowing that people are taking the time out of their day to read what I have to say. But whenever I do decide to come on here, I feel that I always have a new, powerful message to share. Something completely different from the last. And maybe that's just how things are meant to be with me and my blog.
I've been getting dozens of questions about where in the world Kyle is, so I guess I'll answer some of those here. He's gone cross country for a few months by himself and I'm sure you can assume how badly I'm missing him. I'm expecting him to come home the second week of December, and I'm trying to withhold from counting down the days because then I know it'll go by slower. I'm trying to make the most of this time by myself, because I haven't had it for a while and who knows when I will have it again. Of course nothing beats being with Kyle, but I'm sure you get the point. It was shocking and scary at first to know he was going solo, but if you know him at all, you know it's probably better off that way. He's a leader and naturally intelligent when it comes to survival, and he's also so great at being independent that I really feel going alone was best for him even though it broke my heart. But don't worry, him and I are planning big travels for this summer! Him being gone leads back to me learning to be more independent, since I really haven't been single or anything like that since freshman year of high school. It's a nice feeling to be on my own and do my own thing, but still know I have someone who loves me to death and vice versa, even though we're on opposite sides of the country. I really can't wait for him to come home, I know that when he does it'll be an overwhelmingly amazing feeling. This time apart has definitely made us stronger, but I definitely wouldn't be able to do this all the time! Long distance is hard, man, but knowing that I'm doing it for a person like Kyle really makes it all worth it.
I've been on a self-confidence kick lately and it's pretty sweet. I've been blessed with a carefree attitude since I was pretty young, I can't really remember ever genuinely being hurt by someone's negative opinion of me if they weren't important in my life. And even if they do hold a place of importance, I feel like I have a really good sense of self awareness and who I am as a person. I know who I am, what I'm about, and why I do the things that I do, and if someone thinks negatively about that, I never really seem to take it to heart. It's a good trait to have, and I know it's easier said than done for a lot of people to just not care what others think. I promise that once you master that skill, you are untouchable, bullet proof, more powerful than ever before. I believe it's the greatest defense mechanism of them all.
In other news, the presidential election has come to a trifling end, and I could go on for an eternity about everything that's been going down. I'm not here to share my personal political views, I'm sure some of you can assume what "team" I was on just by knowing me. But I voted for the first time and truthfully, I'm pissed I didn't get an "I Voted!" sticker or button or bumper sticker or ANYTHING of that nature. I find a lot of importance in voting as a citizen. It was something I really didn't care about up until after graduating high school. I love a good debate (most definitely get that characteristic from my dad) and expressing my opinions, and I also really love hearing others' opinions and beliefs. Unfortunately, America is definitely lacking in that department. I look around and see a lot of people debating and arguing just to get their opinion out, which is great and wonderful, but what about the other guy? I love hearing other sides of the story and trying to understand different viewpoints. After all, I wouldn't be able to have the opinions that I love and defend if it weren't for the opposing side. It hurts my heart to see America so divided and I know there are really no words that can be said that can make this election okay for some people. Overall, we really are a privileged country and I'm so beyond grateful to be living here. There are definitely bumps in the road, but nothing can ever be perfect. I really think it's important for us all to stay hopeful and supportive of each other.
I've been reflecting on my past a lot recently and I find it all so interesting. It's crazy to think about how many small details in my past have led up to something that's prevalent in my present. Definitely missing my dad a lot, it's pretty hard not to. It's all just still a really fresh and new concept to me. 2 and (almost) a half years seems like a while, but in comparison to a lifetime it's absolutely nothing. That's something I constantly need to remind myself whenever I actually think about everything that happened. I look back on that time of my life and I'm just so amazed that I got through. It was the first point in my life where I had to break out the strength I never even knew I was capable of having, and I still continue to do that everyday. It's like fighting for survival and struggling to embrace every bit of resilience you have, because you know if you don't you'll burn out. I'm grateful for what happened, as dark as that may sound. It's made me who I am and it's a gratifying feeling to know that I've unraveled a part of myself that a lot of people my age haven't yet, and maybe never will. Instead of saying "why me" and becoming negative, I've really been trying to remind myself that it happened to me because I'm capable of handling it. I'm really just so thankful for every person who has ever been in my life, no matter how long they stayed, because I firmly believe that every person and experience in your life serves a purpose to contribute to something bigger. It's really an amazing thing. I'm spreading so much love, positivity, and most importantly, hopefulness, to all those reading even after all this time of being a dormant writer.
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