I feel as if I've finally gotten over the point of my life where I continuously say "I just want to be happy", and do nothing about it. I can't think of any other expression capable of causing more disappointment and desolation. It's like, saying this over and over again without acting on it just makes you dwell on the fact that your life isn't what you imagined or intended it on being. When you repeat the phrase, it implies how unhappy you may be. Yet, without seeing the deeper meaning, it seems pretty hopeful. The truth of the matter is, you have to DO it. You have to act on it.
"Happy" seems like a totally normal desire. Here's the problem: what is happy? It could mean dozens of different things to each person. I know, personally, that my idea of happiness doesn't really match up to the people around me, and that's perfectly okay. What matters is getting to that happy, ya know? When you yearn for happiness without making it happen it's like you begin to go through life frantically grabbing things off the shelf without paying attention to what you're taking, as if you are searching for happiness in every place that it may not be. By defining what "happy" is to me in concrete terms, I found it so much more easier to reach it rather than to think I know what happiness is and wait for it to come to me. The "I just want to be happy" trap is that truthfully, until you define your happiness and are ready to go out and grab it, you will never feel it.
Throughout these past months I've discovered what my ideal happiness is, and from there I was able to balance out what actions --- or subtractions I needed to make --- to be able to say "I am unshakably happy". Happiness, in dictionary terms, is "a state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy". Now, I'm not saying you need to constantly be in a state of intense joy to be happy, but of course being content with life is surely enough.
The way I see it, people should alter their lives in whichever way they feel is beneficial to their mental health and state of well being. Maybe if you didn't have to slave over your job or schoolwork everyday you'd be a happier person. Maybe if you didn't have to tolerate the undeniably rudeness of Long Islanders (or people elsewhere) you'd be a happier person. These are clearly things we may not be able to change in our lives at this very moment (or we could, but many other factors then come into play), but quite frankly we can learn how to work with them. When you have a blueprint for what happiness is, lay it out flat over your life and work your way up. Take the time to do something for YOU. Go somewhere inspiringly beautiful. Make an adventure out of what could've been a totally normal day. The schoolwork will still be there when you get back, but at least you let yourself live. Of course, genetics must have something to do with all of this. Happiness is an easily reachable and achievable goal to those who are inclined on a genetic degree toward that emotional aspect of the spectrum. Happiness is a mountain hike of a goal for those who are not happy by nature, or have been influenced to not be happy from events that have taken place in their lives. That's just the way it is, but happiness is surely obtainable.
I used to say "I just want to be happy" all of the time, and so freely and openly for that matter. I said it so many times without even giving myself a definition for "happy" to refill the phrase with meaning. I just complained and complained about it until I thought "happy" would fall out of the sky and into the palms of my hands. What I repeated so many times was just an empty shell, as it is for so many other people I know without even realizing it. As much as it sucks sometimes, as hard as it seems, all I can say is to do it. Do it, go for it, and I guarantee you will find your happiness.
To sum it all up, as you can probably see I've become pretty enlightened from having to suck things up for a while and get used to it. I eventually came to realize that there are certain areas of my life that simply cannot be changed, or at least not any time soon. I chose to take matters into my own hands and work with what I had, create the life I aspired to live, and things eventually unfolded marvelously for me. I can say with full knowledge that my life is absolutely no where near perfect, nor will it ever be, but I'm in the state of happy where grinning from ear to ear is a melancholy day for me, and that's really all that matters right now. I can only hope that they unfold with such understanding and luminescence for whoever is reading this.
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