My Breakthrough

   I am BACK!!!! It's been a long time comin', and after a few months of bringing pieces of myself together I've finally found the right words to say. I'm sure the incredible weather Long Island's been hit with has been some sort of encouragement, but a special encounter helped me to get back on my feet and clear away the writer's block. To the girl who served me at Dunkin Donuts this past Monday (hopefully you see this!!!), THANK YOU from the very bottom of my heart for telling me that you've read my blog and for complimenting me on it. Your kind words brought on a whole new level of motivation for me. It's a strange concept, but for a few months I began to see my writing as a weakness. I'd nearly get embarrassed by telling people I write and that I have a blog, if I even decided to share those parts of me in a conversation. I began to settle for myself as "not good enough", "not exceptional", and every other subpar label under the sun. I also began to feel as if writing isn't an important factor or ability, which I quickly learned is NOT true. I feel like a part of me lost a ton of sight in my own self worth and all of the abilities I hold. With the help of a few encouraging words from a stranger, I feel compelled to write again, in the greatest way possible.

   I have seen a consistent pattern in how often I write on my blog, and looking back on my posts, there have been a number of times where I disappeared for a while then came back. I really wouldn't be able to explain the idea of it if I tried, but my creativity seems to come in waves to say the least. Maybe it's just a writer's tendency to fluctuate in activity. I have noticed for so many people, and especially myself, that an undying passion for something is both liberating and terrifying. You love something so, so much - so much that you question every aspect of it. I see this in so many areas of my life from my relationship, to my photography, to my writing, to my friendships. You question things because you are unsure, and your unsureness creates even more doubt. I begin to constantly wonder if what I am bringing to the table is substantial enough. Parts of me even become spiteful at times over past events that I had no control over, and I can't help but wonder why I have struggled while others around me had it smooth sailing. I've become conscious of the reality that the universe is not fair and it doesn't owe me anything. Just because I treat people a specific way and do not get treated the same in return, does not mean I should become resentful or angry. Nobody is the same as you, and you cannot expect a single person on this planet to react as you do. Once these realizations fell into my hands, life became a little more easier to figure out. It's so natural for a human to wonder if they are doing the right things at the right time with the right people, even. What even is "right"? Personally, the sheer fact that I'm only able to live one life scares the shit out of me. I am someone who gets far too deep into their own head when really, it is all so damn simple. In these last few months I have learned and realized a great number of things, but one thing I believe to be remarkably important is that I am capable of ANYTHING. I speak loudly and largely, as this pertains to every single human being out there. Don't think about it too long or dissect it into tiny pieces, just embrace it exactly as it is. That thought alone has brought me to some of my greatest successes.

   I wouldn't even know where to begin if I had to dish everything that went on during this little "break" of mine. One huge thing is that I've somehow managed to save up over $1,100 for trips to Puerto Rico and Costa Rica, which I'm sure you already know I cannot begin to express my excitement for. With no hesitation whatsoever I promise you there will be thousands of photos to come from that. I have been able to take off with my photography which has been so gratifying for me. I've recently photographed portraits and a sweet 16, so if ANYONE needs a photographer, whatever the occasion may be, please do not delay to reach out to me!!!!

   Through all of my recent ventures and whereabouts, I have truly fallen in love with the idea of paying it forward - a structure of life in which one does something good for someone else and then that person continues the trend by doing something good for another person. I have made it a very clear and high priority in my life. I'm so extremely grateful for the people who have kept my head above the water throughout these last few months. I am at a point in my life where I'm so passionate, enthusiastic, and extremely fortunate to be living on Long Island as a young adult. I am exploring, thinking, and seeing, and with that I am thriving. Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me to continue writing, I will be sure to keep the movement of my blog active as can be! Everyone make sure to pay it forward!!