I feel as if there are many, many things to be brought to the public's attention this day in modern society. I, as an individual, believe that our population has overturned recently. So many people I personally know openly fight and speak out about what they believe in, and I love to see it. I think our generation has brought so many positive things to the world, and my general age group has seen so many huge breakthroughs starting at advancement in technology, all the way to the first black president, to challenging laws that have been set into the mind of traditional Americans. And I couldn't be any happier to see these big, incredible changes happening. But there's certainly an abundance of problems happening beneath the surface that may not be spoken about as much. Whether it be fear or letting the idea of one sticking up for something hold them back, there are issues still happening consistently everyday that are simply brushed off.
Let me start off by explaining the fact that I can't even go into a 711 anymore alone without feeling uncomfortable by older men. I've gotten everything from being stared at to talked to when I made it obvious that I didn't care to make conversation, to being asked if i'm alone and even being followed. I've heard arguments debating that maybe the clothes i'm wearing are "asking for it". That is, in complete and brutal honestly, the biggest load of bullshit I've ever wasted my time hearing. Whether i'm wearing a a low-cut shirt and shorts or sweatpants and a t-shirt, I have been bothered by men who ranged from my age to old enough to be my grandpa. Despite how obvious I've made it that I want to be left alone, some men have continued. No matter what I wear, provocative or not, it will more than most likely happen. To get even deeper into the problem, I can't really process what wearing something "suggestive" means. I understand the dictionary definition, but just because I wear something that shows off my body i'm instantly suggesting that i'm asking for sex, or to be talked to by that man who knows he's too old for me. Makes perfect sense!!
I'll never forget in school when an administrator had the balls to tell me that what I was wearing was inappropriate. I looked down at my outfit, and as far as I was concerned it met all standards of the dress code. So, I questioned it and asked what exactly was wrong with what I was wearing. Not in these exact words, but basically I got told that because I wasn't wearing a bra, I looked improper. All I could think in my head was "wow, you must've been staring pretty hard to have been able to point that out". I could've argued, but instead I just kept my mouth closed. It was so ridiculous and I was beyond infuriated. I felt targeted and especially ashamed that this was a woman to woman conversation. Someone who should understand and be for me, was against me. I've always been a stickler for the "let people wear what they want" campaign. Whatever I choose to wear should not affect someone else, and if it does it shouldn't be my problem. And I can truthfully say that besides the point of not wearing a bra, which shouldn't even matter, what I was wearing was in no way conflicting with the school dress code. I was absolutely taken back by this.
This is a prime example of *dun dun dunnn* rape culture. Yes, I said it, rape. Something very, very personal and hardly ever talked about up until recently. The definition I just grabbed from wikipedia of rape culture is "in feminist theory, rape culture is a concept in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality". Starting off, I don't understand why it has to be a "feminist theory". Yes, it's preached by feminists but you shouldn't have to be labeled as one to believe in rape culture, in my opinion. That should just be a common sense type of thing in my eyes. I don't really know what I am as far as labels go. I don't believe women are superior to men and vice versa. Generally, I just want every single person to have equality and mutual respect. But rape culture is very much real and out there. We hear sex being played up and romanticized in music all the time. I don't know man, I just want to be able to go into a grocery store or the bank alone, wearing whatever I feel like, and not feel like i'm going to be targeted or antagonized when quite frankly, i'm just trying to go on with my day peacefully. I'm sick and tired of trying to be picked up by some stranger at a deli counter or being spoken to inappropriately by a man who I have no concern in talking to. Being friendly is one thing, but friendliness can turn into something very, very dangerous so easily.
Coming straight from the RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) website, statistics say that 44% of rape victims are under age 18. 80% are under age 30. Every 107 seconds another American is sexually assaulted and each year, there are about 293,000 victims of sexual assault. 68% of sexual assaults are not reported to police. 98% of rapists will never spend a day in jail or prison. Approximately 4/5 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim. 47% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance. Sexual assault can happen to anyone, no matter your age, your sexual orientation, or your gender identity. And this is not just limited to women. Men and boys also suffer as sexual victims and can be hurt by the same trauma as well. But of course, with the help of stereotypes, this can easily be covered up with the standardized idea of men and their masculinity. Scary, right?
I have seen other woman around me who I had never met in my life being pointed out in the same way. One particular time, I was at my neighborhood deli fairly early in the morning when I saw a woman probably in her early 20's start to be spoken to by a man that I can easily assume was twice our age. It continued for a bit and as soon as I started to overhear some of the things he was saying and saw not only the annoyed and disgusted, but also fearful look on her face, I knew I couldn't just stand there and act like it was just going to be overlooked. I called her over as if she were my friend and she played along. I wasn't sure if she'd catch on but I think she could see that I noticed how desperate she was to be left alone by this guy. Sure enough, the man just walked off and left the both of us alone. Unwanted attention that is commonly and popularly mistaken for simply being complimented is terrifying, and the normality and casualness of it frightens me even more. I refuse to be a victim of the social norms and traditional opinion that i'm "asking for it". I will wear what I want, when I want, however I want, and I will not fall into the cracks of oblivion. To some of the people who have wasted their time trying to hit on me, I am nothing but prey or a bullseye mark. I know that I, just as anyone else, am a human who deserves to be respected and treated with civility. I hope this is an eye opener to some of you. Rape culture is a growing and exceedingly frightening problem that can begin innocently and end brutally, and the ones who choose to just look the other way are the root of it.
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