One thing I've wanted to shed some light on for a while is happiness as a whole. Happiness is definitely something we as humans want. We all want to feel loved, cared for, content with our lives and ourselves. Some of us want nice things and tons of us want that "ideal lifestyle". Put that all together and what do we call it?; Happiness. I feel like I've gone a while saying that the definition of "happiness" has been warped in modern times. Although that is true to a certain extent, everyones idea of happiness is different. Just because I want something out of life doesn't mean someone else wants the same thing and vice versa. But whatever your idea of happiness may be, sometimes it feels like an extremely long and drawn out climb to get to that point.
I've had my fair share of shitty days and horrible downfalls I thought i'd never come back up from. I remember a few months ago after already undergoing the hardest point of my life I've ever faced, my mom came to me with news that we had to sell my house. That did it for me. I felt like everything I've ever loved was being taken from me, if it hadn't already. My bedroom that literally sums me up as a person, all of the memories I had that had sunken into the walls; it was all about to be gone. My world crashed down on me, going down in flames and destroying everything in its path. I laid in my bed and sulked for days. No food, no sunlight, nothing. It wasn't "typical Maddy" at all. I reflected so much on all of the bad things in my life that it made me so bitter and angry. I decided that I didn't want to live anymore. The weight of life began to seem so heavy to me and it was clear that more things were going wrong than they were right, or at least it appeared that way in my eyes. I couldn't deal with hearing bad news anymore and being let down, and I knew if one more bad thing happened I wouldn't have known what to do with myself. I told myself I really had nothing to lose anymore considering so much had already been taken from me. Somewhere in between that time period I went to visit Kyle at work. It didn't take long for me to start crying hysterically as I told him that I didn't want to live anymore. What made me cry even harder is that I knew I was being serious. The two of us cried in the parking lot of Bed Bath and Beyond (hate to romanticize the moment but I felt like we were in the movie) and every emotion I had been feeling just poured out of me.
If you've stuck around to continue reading, you're probably at this point and wondering, "well, then how come she's not dead?" (brutal but true). I'll tell you exactly why i'm not dead. I'm not dead because I found happiness. It wasn't found in a check for 100 bucks or a brand new Michael Kors watch, it wasn't found in some hard formula or an impossible magic spell. I found it in here *point to my heart*. It was right inside of me all along. I realized that I have tons to be happy for. I have a boyfriend who sees the world in me and as I do in him. Sure I only have one parent, but God does that one parent love me. I have siblings, best friends, tons of relatives, and a dog that would think I went on a really long vacation and just kept on waiting for me to come home. It hit me that i'd be missing out on so many things. The will to be happy is very alive and continuously growing inside of us and it is only up to you as a person to dig deep enough to find it. One day I picked myself up and said "this is only temporary". And that is so damn true, everything is so temporary in our lives. I don't know whether to be sad or happy about that, but the trick to happiness is to hold that statement close to you everywhere you go.
I'm very, very proud to say that i'm familiar with sadness. I've slept on the corners of rock bottom for months on end and I never really knew if I was ever going to climb back up. I've sat by myself and said "why me, why me, why me" until they didn't even sound like actual words anymore. I'll be the very first one to tell you that IT'S OKAY TO BE SAD!!! I don't wanna hear that whole "someone has it worse" spiel...very true, and trust me, my heart aches for the people who struggle more than I do, but that doesn't mean we can't feel bad about the lives we lead personally. That bad day you're having?? That means life is working. It's doing its thing. Life isn't supposed to always be a happy feel good movie with picture perfect characters. I used to tell myself that it's """forbidden""" to be upset because my life isn't as bad as other people's, but then I learned that I have every right in the world to be sad and feel pain as does everyone else. They're emotions, our brains were literally created to feel them. Sometimes life is so vicious and cruel and it doesn't stop for anyone; there's no simpler or easier way to put it. It's okay to let sadness in but don't let it become your friend, don't let it stay in that place. It feels more than good to look back on all of the things that've happened to me in the past year and say "wow, I actually made it out of that alive. Whether it took days or months, I made it".
I promise, no actually I swear, that no problem or struggle is too big to overcome. Some people are fortunate enough to not face as many hardships as others, but everyone's going through something, and hurt and sorrow are completely inevitable. And that's perfectly okay. Life isn't nearly as easy as I thought it'd be and I guess that's just all apart of the ride. The best thing anyone can do is to just hold on tight and not let go. Life is bound to launch a nuclear bomb right in your direction at one point or another, and what matters more than anything is that you survive it. There is no sweeter or more rewarding feeling I've ever felt than being happy after I never thought i'd feel it again. We're all hurting in someway, nobodies life is going to be perfect; keep that in mind everywhere you go. I understand how tempting it seems to give up after things take a wrong turn one too many times. But happiness is inside of you, please always do your best to dig it out. Wake up for the sunrise. Stick around for the sunset. Go into the water at the beach even if it's just a little too cold. Eat that extra cookie (you deserve it!). Count as many stars as you can. Smile at strangers. If you're ever contemplating doing something, just go for it; you wont be around forever. Tell yourself "The world wouldn't be what it is without me in it", because it's so true. Never think for even a second that it's not. This planet is capable of beautiful things. As the saying goes, "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars".
Find happiness. Be happiness. Share happiness. Always look up.
No comments:
Post a Comment