Did Ya Miss Me?

   I'M BACK!!!!! Finally after a little over a month of trying to match puzzle pieces together, I've managed to gather myself back together and start becoming 'me' again. This past month itself has been a journey in its own for me. It doesn't even feel like it's only been a month, it feels sooo much longer. For a while I felt like I was just stuck in time, and like there was no moving forward. I felt so stuck while everyone else around me seemed to easily move freely. I really wouldn't know where to start if I was to spill the beans on everything that's been going on. But what matters is that I'm back and finally starting to feel myself and enjoy the things that I love again. Today I went to the mall and smiled at people for no reason, which is something I haven't done in a while because bitterness swept over my body. Everyday I put another piece of the jigsaw together to create a big picture. I decided to start talking to a counselor, and for someone who has been against that whole career field since like, 2014, I've been loving it so far. It's weird to tell a stranger all of my feelings and even though she doesn't really know me, she knows exactly what I mean. I've been focusing on myself and my loved ones, and things are finally starting to make sense again. I'm also a vegan now!!! I love it so, so much. It's opened me to all new types of foods and I actually love cooking now. There's no greater feeling for me personally than knowing that my diet consists of all animal-free foods. Also, for a while I was freaking out about my major (english education) and my english class because I was like "am I really cut out for this?!?!", but I adore my english class to say the least, and I feel like such a nerd but I love it. It's getting me so excited for my future.
   October has been huge. My house went up for sale, which you can imagine I thought was the end of the world at first. Just like a lot of things that have happened in my life, things that seem dreadful at first turn out to not be so bad. I'm happy that I took this month to let myself be sad when I needed to, because with busy schedules and constantly running around a lot of people seem to forget about how they're feeling and to express those emotions. I gave myself the time to cry and I didn't get mad at myself for it, which is a big step up. I've come to peace with the fact that my life is a lot different from my friends' and other people around me, and as terrible as it feels it's not so bad. I've also learned the importance, and I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH, that anyone who tells you to not be sad because other people have it worse are totally wrong in every way. With every fiber of your being you have the right to be sad, happy, angry, whatever. No matter what the situation is, even if you think it's something "dumb" to be upset over, don't let other people hold you back with this false statement that "privileged" people can't be sad about their lives. Getting through this past month or so was pretty rough, and at times I really, really didn't think I could handle the weight of the world, but sure enough I made it out of the vortex and am getting back on my feet. I'm so happy to be doing this again. A part of me regrets not blogging even when I was upset about things, but truthfully, the passion wasn't there at the time. All I can really say now is that it's time to move forward and get back on track to speaking out about these types of things. It feels gooood to be back!!